monster bingo 2020;

[widenessofthesea]

Comments

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

Maybe it was just... more tolerable for a long time, that way.

Why won't my heart stop beating this fucking fast.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

Oh, oh! That's the feeling you get when you're wondering why the bad thing didn't happen yet!

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ there's a pause before she snorts, quietly. ]

...I see.

I don't even know what bad thing I'm even expecting to have happen, anymore.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

The same thing you were expecting the first time it happened. It's a difficult thing, to leave behind the moment you were first collared.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

I—

[ she hates it she hates it she hates it she hates it ]

...can never... quite... get rid of him, it seems.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

You will.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ she stiffens, for a second, and then pitches forward slightly with a short bark of a laugh that sounds a little like a sob. ]

Someday—maybe. I—ahaha, live... in hope.

Is it—all right if I. Do this again, sometime.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

[ they clasp a hand gently over hers, humming softly. ]

Of course. Whatever you need, Hope.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ her breath hitches, and for a moment she makes an incredibly pained expression, mouth twisting almost as if to snarl—

and then she takes a deep breath in, and lets it out. she just sits there for a bit, eyes closed, breathing. ]

...thank you.

God, I wish I could—just...

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

Just...?

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ she turns to look at them, a studying look on her face, and her head jerks forward fractionally—

—and then she just stops, frozen in place, breathing like she’s just run five miles. ]

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

[ oh, they know that reaction.

they run a thumb over the back of her hand, leaning forward a little with a gentle hum. ]

If it's too much, you shouldn't push yourself. Take it slow.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

You're... probably right.

[ she sags slightly, trying to slow her breathing. ]

God, what am I even doing.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

Trying to take control.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

...mm. Probably... right.

[ it's said slightly reluctantly, like she'd prefer not to admit that. (she'd prefer not to admit that.)

she takes a deep breath and then lets it out, bottom lip sticking out in a slightly petulant way. ]

I don't think I ever... really learned to sort out my feelings in this area properly.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

If I'm being honest, I don't think there is a proper way. Maybe it's because I'm not a person, and maybe someone who is would know better, but what seems to be most important to me is that you do what you need to in order to build yourself back up again.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

I'm not really... a person, either, anyway.

It just feels—ridiculous to be hobbled by something like this. Though that's... probably why I never addressed it, which in retrospect was a bit of a stupid move.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

Do you want a hug, Hope?

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ god. does she? she has to think about that one for like a solid minute

and more importantly: is she going to wig the fuck out? ]

I.

I... would like... a hug. I think.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

Alright.

[ they take her other hand, slowly, and then step closer, gauging her reaction. ]

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ she doesn't move for a few moments, not even her fingers, breathing shallowly—

...and then she laces her fingers with theirs, loosely. ]

...okay.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

[ they reach out to embrace her, bringing themself close against her but keeping the hug loose enough that it's not stifling. ]

Even a "stupid move" is a step forward. Mistakes tell us what we shouldn't do in the future. As long as you don't stay in one place, you'll be able to enjoy freedom.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

[ she's sort of stiff, at first, and it's easy to tell that she's breathing too fast to really be relaxed, but—it's not as hard as she thought to just... lean into it, her chin resting on their shoulder.

why are her eyes wet. who authorized this ]

Suppose... all I have to do is—keep doing my best, then.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[beautifulend]

[ they gently rub circles on her back, being careful to not apply much pressure. ]

Mm. That's right. Nobody can ask you for anything else.

Re: Sashay Silfda Eistria Dagger AAA Absolute Zero Slaughtervodka

[widenessofthesea]

...mm.

[ actually she's really more just putting her face on their shoulder because she can actually cry for real right now. god. ]

I think I—really missed this.