widenessofthesea | monster bingo 2020;

Because of all the touching?

...yes.

[ she makes a deeply frustrated sigh, closes her eyes, and then breathes in and out once. ]

Can I—try something.

Of course, Hope! You can try whateeeever you want!

[ she flexes her fingers slightly, and then, after like—what feels like an eternity, but is probably more like three seconds, reaches over to take their hand.

not quite looking at them, more just at her own feet. but still. ]

[ !!!!!

they make their hand as solid and non-oozy as possible for her. ]

Oh, I see.

I'm. Trying to work on it, a little. There's some things where—it'd be nice to actually be able to enjoy them.

[ slow, conscious breaths in and out, it's fine, it's chill— ]

And I trust you.

[ they stare at her, mouth opening to spout the standard 'you shouldn't trust a beast' line - they stop themself, though, nodding. ]

Mm. I'm glad you can.

[ she manages to wrench her gaze off of her boots; for a second her grip loosens, and then she readjusts, more firmly. ]

Thanks, for—understanding. All of it.

Of course. You've done the same for me, so it's the least I can do.

...mm, well. I still—wanted to say it.

[ she leans just... gradually closer, so that her arm is touching theirs very lightly. ]

I—wanted to be able to do this. I don’t think I can for everyone, but just for—some people. At least.

[ they stay still, but relaxed. ]

It's really nice, isn't it?

...yeah.

[ oh. she can get misty-eyed, right now. that’s novel.

by the time five minutes are up, she’s leaning more heavily against their shoulder. ]

I’m not sure if I’ve done this in... a hundred years, maybe.

It was that long ago, was it? I couldn't imagine going without for so long.

Maybe it was just... more tolerable for a long time, that way.

Why won't my heart stop beating this fucking fast.

Oh, oh! That's the feeling you get when you're wondering why the bad thing didn't happen yet!

[ there's a pause before she snorts, quietly. ]

...I see.

I don't even know what bad thing I'm even expecting to have happen, anymore.

The same thing you were expecting the first time it happened. It's a difficult thing, to leave behind the moment you were first collared.

I—

[ she hates it she hates it she hates it she hates it ]

...can never... quite... get rid of him, it seems.

You will.

[ she stiffens, for a second, and then pitches forward slightly with a short bark of a laugh that sounds a little like a sob. ]

Someday—maybe. I—ahaha, live... in hope.

Is it—all right if I. Do this again, sometime.

[ they clasp a hand gently over hers, humming softly. ]

Of course. Whatever you need, Hope.

[ her breath hitches, and for a moment she makes an incredibly pained expression, mouth twisting almost as if to snarl—

and then she takes a deep breath in, and lets it out. she just sits there for a bit, eyes closed, breathing. ]

...thank you.

God, I wish I could—just...

Just...?

[ she turns to look at them, a studying look on her face, and her head jerks forward fractionally—

—and then she just stops, frozen in place, breathing like she’s just run five miles. ]

[ oh, they know that reaction.

they run a thumb over the back of her hand, leaning forward a little with a gentle hum. ]

If it's too much, you shouldn't push yourself. Take it slow.

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